why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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