I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
How's work?
Spinning.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
