Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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