Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
