he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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