VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
