this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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