her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
