I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Randomize