idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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