I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
