dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
