Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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