I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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