Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
