Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
