why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
