he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
