ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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