You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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