my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
