i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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