I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
