Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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