Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
