apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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