i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
