I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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