Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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