he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
