apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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