No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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