i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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