you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I have tasted many bathrooms
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize