Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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