I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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