So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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