Where did you get a picture of my penis
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
