I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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