Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
