im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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