We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
