No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
