Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize