Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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