do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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