Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
