12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
