You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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