just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
