What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
His hands were made for my vagina.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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