Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
