I bet he comes in French.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
