would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
