GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
