Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
