Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize