i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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