alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
