Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
