You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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