I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize