I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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