you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
