I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
