Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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