There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
