as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
