BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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