He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
