last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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