fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
