we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
