I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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