I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
